A Powerful Mommy Moment

We just got home from a long trip, which was our third trip in a month. We are tired, all of us! Caleb I think is the most tired, because his naps have been neglected severely, and he keeps waking up all night. Tonight, he would not stop screaming and crying. He was picking fights with his daddy about reading books or singing songs. Nothing was working. I had an idea, after hearing the screaming and crying for quite a while from downstairs. The Spirit inspired me to have Blake give him a blessing. I went upstairs and held him in my arms and asked him if he wanted daddy to give him a blessing while I held him. He nodded yes. His daddy gave him a beautiful blessing of comfort and love. After the blessing, he was all calmed down and said, "Can I have one more song?" I said, "Do you want me to sing it or daddy?" He replied, "I want daddy to hold me and sing it." I then realized, as I was holding my big huge 4 year old like a baby in my arms, that although he seems like such a big boy, he needs physical affection and love. He needs squeezes and cuddles, kisses and hugs. The more he gets these things, the happier and more confident and more secure he feels. It is so easy to forget this now that he talks like a 7 year old and rides a two-wheel bike.

Caleb then went to sleep peacefully.
Children need affection, even when they are big giant babies all grown up. I know this is one of the many blessings we obtain from having a body in this life - we can feel physical affection. The communication through touch is much more deep than any other type of communication. We feel loved, empowered, and inspired through a simple hug. Physical affection is something we never had before we came to earth to obtain a body. I am sure we longed for it. I am sure we longed to hug those we loved and to squeeze someone's hand who needed comfort. I am so grateful for this body - even though 7 months pregnant it is a very uncomfortable body - I am so grateful to be able to have a body, so I can give my children and loved ones squeezes and cuddles, kisses and hugs.

29 1/2 Weeks Through Baby #3

I am 29 1/2 weeks along and man am I moody. It's like every minute is a struggle, unless I am sitting in a pool or sleeping. I have already gained more weight than the average pregnant woman gains her whole pregnancy, and that all came on in the last 15 weeks alone. Awesome.

I have managed to keep some positivity in my mind, which is why I am both alive and not in a mental hospital. This is temporary. This is worth it. Yes. These are the things I repeat to myself constantly, hopefully helping it to sink in. It's just so hard to live in this skin. I look in the mirror and don't recognize that large lady with the big, splotchy face staring back at me. Oh wait it's me. Then I suffocate a little, cry a lot, and eventually say a prayer and get over it for the moment.

No part of my body works the same as it used to, or looks the same as it did 15 weeks ago. This is so hard for me. I tried so hard to not gain all of this weight and this effort hurt both me and the baby. So my doctor has commanded me to gain the weight my body wants to gain and realize that I will lose it later.

The creepiest part today is that my knees are hurting me. All of this weight on my knees and then the whole joint softening pregnancy hormone thing together makes my knees feel very weak and sore.

Sorry about the whiny post. We'll get through this. Eventually.