Chapstick

I think a great scheme that is going on in the world today lies within the hands of chapstick and lipgloss makers. This scheme is great... but evil... Somewhere in that waxy, or liquidy, delicious-smelling (and at times, delicious-tasting) goo, there lies a secret ingredient that penetrates the entire being of the stick itself, whether it be a stick of chap or a stick of gloss. I believe that secret ingredient soaks through the very being of the stick, and after a short, VERY SHORT, period of time, causes the stick to suddenly, warninglessly, disappear… never to be found again. Then, the naive chapstick or lipgloss buyer goes, “Like oh my gah, where is my lip stuff? Well, I guess I’ll go buy more.” And there the scheme that those chapstick and lipgloss-makers have derived, that evil scheme, becomes perpetually perfect! The ditzy, dim-witted owner of the disappearing lip stuff goes to buy yet another equally vanishable stick of gloss or chapstick… eventually to be lost among the others, disappearing in the vast universe. Just a few weeks ago, for instance, I was at Crackerbarrel. I bought a stick of Burt’s Bees chapstick, the colored kind. It was so cute. I used it every day... for about 4 weeks… and then one day, I could not find it. It’s gone!!! I loved that chapstick. So, I will probably end up buying a new one, just so I can lose that one as well. But don’t be fooled. Just because I “lose” it, doesn’t mean it’s my fault. It’s the chapstick maker’s fault… and their secret disappearing ingredient’s fault. Well you know what I say to them and their ingredient? I HATE IT!!!!