Help. It is 2 a.m. and I need help. I am barely surviving here. I have an amazing life with nothing left for wanting. Perfect hubby. Perfect baby. Perfect Gospel. Perfect house. Perfect dog. What more is there??
Yet, the postpartum part of having a baby has given me a run for my money apparently. If you dont know much about it, just know I've had a hard time. I'll spare the details. It sucks when you have everything you've ever dreamed of, and you struggle every day to be happy.
I need help because I know a lot of stay at home moms read my blog. How do you do it? Please let me know how I can find purpose in this little life of mine. I take care of Caleb... sure that's important, but he has lots of people who love him and take care of him too. I am good at many things, but I am not REALLY GOOD at anything. That's something that's always been hard for me. I think it's because I am lazy and dont try hard enough at things.
I am not looking for compliments, I just need to know how I can survive this mom world. I LOVE my baby boy. C-bear is the COOLEST. I feel so ungrateful when I am unhappy, but I simply cannot help it sometimes. If you have any advice, please help me. I need it.
Friday, October 03, 2008
Stay At Home Mom?
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10 comments:
danielle, i'm not sure i have much advice for you. it is really hard, and it's especially hard when you know you SHOULD be grateful and happy, but you're not finding it all the time.
for me, its gotten easier as mae's grown. i feel a lot more responsible for teaching her things because i can see a direct impact on the things i teach her and the things she learns. i also think it gets easier as you have more children to love and care for.
it has really helped me to get out of the house without mae sometimes. i get to go cater with jayson a couple times a week. it really helps me to get good interaction with adults (which i feel is really important) and to feel like i am contributing to something besides mae. i always love to come home and see mae and truthfully feel more energized. i take my time with her more seriously too because i know i've given some of it up.
if work isn't an option, you can try to get involved with something else that you do just for you. maybe a volunteer organization. something where you can just be danielle and not mom.
Oh Danielle, I love you and I'm sorry you're having such a hard time! Sometimes I feel lazy and guilty because, yes, I stay home and take care of Alex, but most of the time that is pretty dang easy. And I think, "Why do I get to stay at home and be a bum while Josh goes to work and brings in money all day?" But sometimes that same thought makes me feel very lucky, because I can do whatever I want with my life and I don't have to be limited by a job. So yeah, it's a very conflicted feeling. I just try to take it a day at a time and focus on the good, even though that sounds so cliche as I type it out. Also, I really try to make it a point to get out of the house and do things with other moms or even single friends, or even just go to the park or the store. It's easy to get depressed when you just sit at home with your kid all day, as wonderful as he or she may be! I feel like socializing really helps. I also try to do the hobbies and things I enjoyed before Alex came along. While throwing him into the mix makes it a little more of a challenge, it makes me feel good when I figure out how to do it and also keep him happy! (Try doing a yoga workout while your baby is crawling all over you. That'll make you use those muscles!) :) Anyway, sorry for the novel. I'm not sure if that's even close to what you need, but that's how I try to survive being a mom---by making sure my life isn't just about my son. He's important, but there is a lot more going on for me too! And we all have hard days, so don't feel like you're alone! My solutions definitely don't even work for me all the time!
I had a super hard time the first 6 months or so of Fallon's life. It was such a huge adjustment for me to stay home, almost alone, for most of the day. I really missed going out with friends sans baby and the freedom of doing whatever I want when I want. (I know, totally selfish) Plus, the whole post-partum physique didn't do much to boost my morale.
Luckily, in my ward there are 8 babies Fallon's age. One day I was talking with one of the moms, and we both realized how easy it is for stay at home moms to isolate themselves from the world. This seclusion is when, for me at least, I would begin to feel depressed. It's become extremely important for me to schedule play dates- as much for me as for Fallon. The Danielle I remember is such a social butterfly, I love it! Do you ever just get to hang out with girlfriends, with our without babies? I know, it's hard. Especially when the little ones become mobile- you can forget about enjoying a quiet lunch out. But sometimes even the most tumultuous, frantic lunch is worth it in the end.
I definitely still struggle sometimes, but when I take some "me" time, even if for only 1/2 hr, it seriously rejuvenates me.
I hope that helps! I love you, Danielle. You were always such a light in my life...cause heaven knows there were some not so bright times back then. :)
Come Visit me!! We can play mommy all week!
Danielle, I'm still figuring this out, too, and I find your honest refreshing!
The best thing that I can tell you is to be patient for "this too shall pass". Just let the little joys that Caleb's sweet smiles bring help you get through this hard time! And I know that you know this but you just need to say many prayers to get you through each day. As Caleb starts to grow he will keep you more and more busy and you will probably forget that this has happened! Right now for me nothing brings greater joy and happiness than being a mother and wife. It is not easy every day. In fact, most days are hard. But that doesn't change the fact that I am just happy being me and I am a mom! There is nothing more important than that in this crazy, mixed up world. And the world, a.k.a Satan, for some reason does not see it the same. But just know that as hard as it is being a mom YOU are the most important role in Caleb's life.
We love you Danielle!!
Danny,
You know I have had my problems at being a happy and enjoyable mom. A couple of days ago, I had a talk with my dad that helped me alot. I know if you are not so worried about you and you serve people more and try not to be alone alot, it will help. Also talking to people who are dealing with the same thing make you feel like it's ok and you can get through it and your not alone. It is something really hard to go through in life, but heavenly father knew you can get through this. You are never alone and if you are having a bad day, just call me up and we can talk it through. You are a great mom and wife and sister. I love you dani.If there is anything I can do, let me know.
danielle, I now that we do not know each other very well, but I read your blog and I want you to know that so many of us have been there. For me, after my second baby I had a very hard time. Looking back now I know that it wasn't something that I could not have just snapped out of. I t was truely a physical thing. Pregnancy is very hard on the body and sometimes all the hormones and chemicals don't work the way they should. Plus now you give so much to everyone without all the "warm fuzzies" Iwould tell Denali that at least he got a pay check and we get puked on. It can be so hard and frusterating. I know that when I went through it I didn't even know anyone else. You have a lot of people that care for you and with time you will be happy again. Remember that life changes so fast and some day you will be able to help someone else feeling just like you. Get some help if you need it to get you through this, say lots of prayers and eat a lots of chocolate. Last Sunday the Prophet said that time goes by so quickly and we will desprately miss these days of raising small children. I know that even though they are so challenging, believe me I have three boys, that life will change and one day we will want them small again. Maybe not real small. Anyway, take Care and know that I am praying for you and if you want to talk you can call me, Believe me, I understand completely how you feel. Tenniel Clark 478-8861
Dani,
I'm so worried about this too. SO worried. Let me know how you are coping. I love you.
Kiera
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